Confessions Of A Rambling Mind

So I know I have been blogging a lot lately, jamming up your news feeds with incoherent ramblings...OHMYGOD I am fighting with a stack of pillows trying to write this (it's like 4AM and I'm writing initially in a journal of sorts), and so I am in bed with a head lamp (because I'm cool like that *note to self buy batteries*), trying not to wake Forrest - ugh.

Anyway, so my mind is in a state of agitation, coming up with all kinds of new blog ideas, and then this was the one I just couldn't go to sleep had to write this before going to sleep.  So as may be inferred from a previous blog, I get awkwardly nostalgic this time of year.  But there are two families in particular that I can never seem to stop thinking about.  One of the families I constantly think about --it's kind of bizarre and doesn't make sense.  In fact, it is SO WERID because I basically had nothing to do with the girl in high school.  Like at all.  In fact, her and her cronies terrified the shit out of me and I avoided her (mayhaps unbeknownst to her) as much as possible.  Why? I don't know.  She scared me, but now? I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! I should clarify; it's not in a weird or creepy I-want-to-kill-you-and-take-over-your-family way, but in a friendly and fond manner.  And if she happens to be reading this I feel like you will know that I am talking about you.  I know this sounds weird but I feel like we have some telepathic connection.  I often have dreams where I'm having some sort of life crisis or another and she is always the one to give me advice that helps me through.  I know that it's just a dream, but it's gotta mean something right?

Now, I don't know if you guys know this about me, or really care to, but I like to analyze things in, out, backwards, forwards, caddywhompus and microscopically.  Of course I have no real training in psychoanalysis so everything is conjecture, but I think I figured it out more or less down to a T.

So in February of 2005 there was a group of my classmates sitting in the school library for some class function or other, possibly having to do with college applications.  Anyway, I was sitting at a table with her and her friends when she - for me out of the blue - asked how my mom was doing.  (It was like a year+ prior that she was diagnosed with stage 4 of 5 [such an overachiever] of 2nd hand smoke induced cancer.  And I replied with "Oh, I don't know.  She probably has like 2 weeks left or something." (Unfortunately I couldn't have been more accurate.)  But I said this with a nonchalant, blasé attitude, and what I thought was great fluidity.  She, however, instantly teared up and just gave me this look, a loot that I can't really describe but I will always remember.  And because I've been analyzing my thoughts as to why my reminiscing lead back to her it's because there is some sort of cosmic, thread-of-life-like crossing here that will always keep her in my thoughts and well wishes.  Although, now that I read this I realize that I may sound like a crazy person and I'm actually debating on whether or not to post this.  But ya know what?  I'm going to because on the off chance that she reads this and understands that it's her I am talking about, maybe she will confirm my gut feelings.  Or maybe she will confirm I'm crazy. Again, it's not like I think about her all the time, just like, you know, you would remember a cherished friend.

Anyway, I guess that is all I have to say today.  Thank you everyone for reading my blog and the support you have shown throughout the years!

- Jackie