An Ode To My Nose

I cannot breathe through my very large nose

Even when I grab a tissue and I blow and I blow

I keep getting sick and it's not too much fun

I'd like to shoot this damn cold with a 45 gun

Too Much Tree Sap

Now I know this is only my second blog, and you really should wait until the third or fourth to talk about this kind of thing, but I am going to talk about romance and unconditional love.

So romance - not sex - romance.  The spontaneity of it is intoxicating and tantalizing.  We can't get enough of it - that is why we read, watch TV shows and movies.  No matter how fleeting the moment, it's that potential for romance, that undeniable passion that as an evolved culture, we crave.  

Personally, I love the spontaneity of it and can't get enough of it -- seriously.  My boyfriend is overworked, so I like to surprise him here and there, with maybe flowers one day, or a message, a date, coffee, Thai Food, tea, ya know, all the good us-romantic stuff.  Is it too much for me to ask for something once in a while?  I mean he even has calendar dates (Birthday, Valentine's, etc.) in which all the crap-tastic companies like to push their product.  I mean, it doesn't have to be those dates, but shouldn't it be sometime?  I don't know what to do, and trying the "classic normal way" of getting mad after giving him a hint of what I mean doesn't work because as aformentioned, he's so tired and overworked that he just constantly bickers.  It's frustrating.  Well, I guess it's not constant  - there are those broken bits in between in which he plays too many games, which I have tried to politely in a blunt way tell him he plays way too much of.  Woo - did I stray off of that romance track or what!  Anyway, romance is a good things, and always present in a healthy relationship no matter who is giving and who is receiving.

Unconditional love.  I believe it because no matter what my bf does, I will love him. I will love him always and forever through and through, no matter the stupid meaningless arguments, the less than I'd like romance, the hardly ever seeing him.  I don't understand how anyone cannot believe that unconditional love exists (assuming that they accept the premise that love exists, of course).  I'm a very logical person, and this is one of those things that just makes sense even though there is no concrete, tangible evidence of it.  I mean there are the hormones that are released in the pancreas, which account for the "butterflies" in your tummy.  But anyone that has ever been in love cannot deny that when you have a tummy full of butterflies, your heart feels like it skips beats.   

First Blog Ever!

Today I am dreaming big.  I have started this blog, I am thinking about getting a new apartment, and buying a piano.  I am excited and rejuvenated about life, and I think I am finally getting over my cold.  Wahoo!

I don't know what to write about in my blog.  It's mainly, I think to get ideas out there, and mayhaps to tap into my creative side - which needs some nourishment.   

It is such a beautiful sunny day in Portland!  I just want to do things!

I am currently unemployed and looking for a job.  Usually, I am an archaeologist, but it is the down time of the season, and so it is kind of hard to find work.  I have been applying to all sorts of crazy jobs because I would like to have a job as an account manager of some sort, or a personal assistant.  I have always wanted a "real city job" for the experience and I think I would be damn good at it.  I am a hard worker, loyal and quite talented at learning new things.  I never give up and I always push myself.  I want to be a great person, but it's hard to know how. 

If I don't get a job relatively soon, I am going to give up until archaeology needs me and just volunteer my time at a place like Habitat for Humanity.  I want to feel useful and have a purpose other than cleaning and dreaming of things that I should be doing.  For example, I should be cleaning the apartment it's kind of messy; I should be learning Spanish on Rosetta Stone because I spent all that money, and Spanish is a really important language to me; I should be studying for the GRE, and I should sign up for it to take the test but it's scary so I haven't, I should be reading an archaeology book to help my understanding of what I love, but again, progression in my life really scares me.  It's scary to not only put yourself out there, but to see the potential within yourself and failing.  I don't want to fail, I don't want to let myself down, but I am preventing myself from doing what I need to do.  I am my own road block and I don't know how to get over it.  I keep telling myself that I will read an archaeology book after I finish reading the book that I am reading now (which is a fantasy book), and that I will sign up for the GRE as soon as I study for it (that book is also setting on the shelf).  I will learn Spanish as soon as I am done playing the game, etc.  Why is it so easy to make an excuse, instead of just doing it?  That is one thing that I super admire about my dad, he has this attitude that if it needs to be done just do it - he doesn't procrastinate.  Procrastination is such an excuse that everybody uses for everything now.  It didn't occur in my dad's generation, it started with my sister's generation - the people that were born in the 70's.  And they have ever so graciously passed on procrastination through the generations so much that people are incredibly lazy now, and the people who are working hard are paying for it.  I am - despite my procrastinations - a very hard worker at my job, determined and eager.  It's just with my personal goals that I procrastinate with.  There is no real structure, except for the boundaries that I define.  Should I set monthly goals?  What should I do?  I don't have deadlines to meet, and those that I need to meet I do, but if it isn't a necessary deadline I put it off.  It's not fair to myself, or others around me.  I'm not living to my full potential and it's really annoying, but it doesn't get rid of the fact that I can't seem to be able to put things off easily.  

Well I guess that is a decent ramble for a first blog, no?  As I write this my internet isn't functioning, which is normal, but it seems to work worse on sunny days - and that is a good thing.